I am going through a period of being terrified to write.

It's as if my commitment phobia has somehow dripped into the digits of my typing fingers. I stare in agony at my untouched laptop, weeks of creative frustration itching to find an outlet, and yet I don't fire up the word processor.  I've been reading dozens of books in hopes of finding some sort of magical plot or formula that will guarantee that my output won't suck harder than a Hoover.  When writing friends ask me how my novel's going, I smile, lie, and say "great", because the alternative is admitting I've transformed from a writer to a wuss.

This is my moment of truth: I'm convinced I suck, and I'm too paralyzed with neuroses to write.

Those of you who don't know me that well might not know how much that truth pains me.  I tend to pride myself on being a go-getter, on getting the job done, on not being one of those writers who never actually sits down to write.  But lately whenever I fire up my laptop, I do everything but write.  I plot. I outline.  I look up pretty pretty pictures of actors and actresses and lolcats and I swear to God if someone put a gun to my head and said: "Start typing or I shoot", I'd help them pull the trigger. 

So in the efforts of understanding this problem, here are my theories as to what causes this state of creative terror:

1. Too many precious ideas. I know I suffer from this one. I have way too many darlings. A "darling" is a plot point, character, or phrase that you cherish above all else and you're going to make it great the first time or you're going to worry about it the rest of eternity. Spoiler alert: it will never be great the first time. It will probably suck the first time. Editing makes it better. Get used to it or get out.

2.  You're not writing; you're editing.  I love writing.  Hate editing.  And yet am in the middle of editing my first YA novel and I go through periods of thinking it's decent to times when I'm pretty sure literary agents would use it as toilet paper. Conflict about current projects = fear of starting new ones.  "Should I start new projects when I'm not done with my old ones? Is it even worth salvaging the old ones?  Are my old ones any good?  What's on TV?  TV's way nicer than dealing with this crap."

3. Good old fashioned low self-esteem.  "Why bother writing?  All my stuff never works out anyway." And no matter how true that may be, you still look like an emo little douchebag when you say it.

Some people say you need to take breaks from  your work.  Sometimes that's true, because I need time to see my work with a fresh set of eyes. However, I've learned to take breaks from my work, but not from writing.  Writing is like dousing myself in an exhilerating perfume - if I wait another three weeks to jump back in, I'm not going to be smelling of roses all that much.